An Introduction

My name is Beth. I'm a forty-three year old wife and mother of six.

I've lived a good life, but a life that has also been full of pain, heartbreak, dissapointment and sin. A great deal of the pain and heartbreak was due to sin... mine.
For the past twenty-four years the Lord has been teaching me the importance of being a godly woman and how to persevere in godliness regardless of the circumstances and behaviour of others.
When I first got married I had no concept of what a godly marriage was, only a good marriage.
I belived if I was a "good" wife, I would be loved, and if I was loved, I would be happy. I believed if I loved my husband well he would be good, kind and faithful till death due us part.

Even though I was converted when I was eight and raised in a christian home with a pastor for a father, I was never taught God's design for men, women and marriage.
Christianity was a way to live life but I was never taught it was the source of life. The source for knowing, being and doing. I never knew that I had a purpose just because I was a woman.
I was never taught the consequences of sin, only that I shouldn't sin. I wasn't taught that life could be hard and people cruel and that there was biblical answers to both. I was never taught how to respond to someone who was sinning against me,
so I made decisions contrary to my purpose; being a godly woman, which would in turn make me a faithful servant to my Lord.
I didn't commit gross sins. I didn't drink, do drugs and run around. I wasn't a rebellious teen. But because I had no idea of what it meant to be a godly woman or how important it was not only for my sake but for God's glory, I made decisions that brought many trials for both me and my children and dishonour to the Lord and God's people. I was very naive. Sometimes foolish, and sometimes just rebellious to what I knew to be right. So for the past twenty-four years my heavenly Father has chastised me, convicted me and put me thru His refiners fire. Most importantly He has given me more grace and mercy than I will ever deserve.

Though I have fallen so short as a woman and as a believer, the Lord has forgiven and continues to forgive. He has restored, is restoring, and redeemed and still redeeming my life to be used for His purpose and His glory. He is making the crooked paths straight in my heart and life.
I am forever grateful for a God who knows me, sees me, yet still accepts and loves me.

I know what it is like to be married to an unbeliever. I know the pain of divorce and I have known the pain of waiting years and years for the Lord to restore a marriage and it never be restored. I know what it is like to have a blended family and all it's challenges. I know what it is like to be a single mother for many, many years raising children and homeschooling them alone and on one income and at times no income at all. I know the heartbreak of infidelity, the fear of tomorrow, of being lied to and unloved and unwanted. I know the difficulty of never being good enough, smart enough or charming enough to evoke tender and loving feelings from someone else. I know what it is like to be abandoned and left alone, to wait and wonder, and yes fear, what the morrow holds. I have experienced much. My dad dying when I was twelve, I think had a large part in my choices later on. Not an excuse, just an observation. I tell you all these things so you know I understand hurt, pain and dissapointment. This isn't a place to discuss hard things, but to be encouraged through hard things. Your heart can thrive and stay alive to love the unlovable, to love thru pain and heartbreak and not give in to bad and hateful attitudes. To not be punitive. To give rather than seek.
The storms are not over in my life, but I can see the rays of heaven begin to brighten on the horizon, not because my circumstances have changed, but because my heart has.